Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Lessons learned from tinder

As I mentioned before dating as a single mom can be hard. When I signed up for tinder, I did it out of pure curiosity and boredom. I wasn't planning on finding anyone I found interesting. I had no expectations, then something happened. As I was playing a game of eeny meeny miny moe, I found someone who I had a mutual friend with on Facebook. I have known this friend for such a long time. I know their family and they are great people. 

There was my first mistake. Just because you are friends with someone's friend doesn't mean that person will be great. I often limit my Facebook to people who I truly like. I don't connect with people because we went to school together or because I knew them seventeen years ago. That's just not my style, there's nothing wrong with doing that. I just forget that not everyone limits who they are friends with. A big part of me saying yes on tinder was that mutual friend. I found comfort in that connection. I felt like they could vouch for them. Surely, that friend wouldn't be friends with a psychopath. 

We exchanged several messages and I found him to be interesting. We barely talked at first, then we texted for hours. Again I still had no expectations because who knows. The more I talked to him, the more I liked him. Mistake number two, don't believe everything you read. I knew this. I promise that I did. I just got wrapped up in it. I am now questioning if he was just saying whatever he thought I wanted to hear. 

He would occasionally say things like let's meet up for drinks or we should hang out. I would politely decline, meeting someone right away is not my style. I don't feel comfortable for a few reasons. I'm a mom first and foremost. Meeting up with someone when you are a parent isn't easy. He doesn't have kids so he doesn't know this. I have to be careful about who I have around. My decisions don't just effect me, they also effect Noah. Thinking about it now, if someone based their opinions on people I have known in my life that wouldn't be smart. I don't talk to them and they have done some bad things but still I knew them. He said that it wasn't a big deal and understood, but he kept asking. I tried to explain it several ways. Then it turned in to a heated discussion. It hasn't even been a week where we had a long constant conversation.

 I get the whole not wanting to waste your time thing but come on. It's fine. I have talked to people online for years and never met them. They don't question our relationship. That's when I decided he had other motives. These motives I can only guess are unsavory ones, mistake number three. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck. Even if it calls it's self a cat. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Don't talk to people who try to talk you in to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. 

He's 32 and doesn't have kids. He goes out with his friends a lot. That's great, I know that's pretty common to do. He is a couple years younger than I am. Our priorities are different. During one of our hours long text conversations, I asked him if he was religious. He gave me a very vague answer, something like a little bit but could be more. I asked him what do you believe in? He said that's deep. I don't feel comfortable talking about it. Things like religion, politics and ex history come between two people too fast. Better to talk about it at a later date. Being the adult that I am and mindful of his feelings and wishes, I dropped it. Maybe that was mistake number four, how could I feel comfortable meeting someone who won't even tell me their thoughts on religion.  I never mentioned it again. 

My thoughts on religion is that it's a very personal thing and you have the right to believe whatever you want. I wasn't expecting a really long conversation about the meaning of life and theology, just a quick thought. I was genuinely interested in knowing more about him. Although, it made me wonder a bit. I obviously write a lot about my life on my site. I am pretty open about things. Either take me or leave me, this is who I am. 

It was rather strange how urgently he wanted to meet. I put him in limbo. His words were "in limbo". When I hear the word limbo, I think of doing the limbo or being in purgatory. When I asked him how I was putting him in limbo, he said. I'm done talking about this issue. I get it if you are visiting somewhere because you live far away that wasn't the case. I think it's called tinder because it's not really meant to start a fire. It's supposed to burn for a minute and go out.  

I don't know what to think honestly. I mean oddly enough I am a little hurt and confused. I guess I am more disappointed more than anything honestly. I wish him the best and hope whatever he wants is what he finds. We are just not a match. It's better we found out now before we met and had that awkward time together where we both want to leave. Not everyone is right for everyone else. Again that is why Chuck Woolry offered three dates on Love Connection.

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