Thursday, September 22, 2011

There's Room for Everyone in this World if Everyone Makes Some Room

As a blogger, a mother and a person in general I have some issues with some things. I am really sick of the negativity and complaining that I have seen a lot of lately. I don’t have the best life; I have my share of problems, hardships and things where I am just like at the point where I am three minutes from the nut house some days. I know my life could be a lot worse. I have things that others could only dream of.   I think that is part of being a human, and living your life. It just gets on my nerves to see how negative people are in general.  It really gets me down to see it.  I have a friend who complains about everything, from work to his love life to what color trash bags he has in his kitchen. I am not the best at what I do but most of the time I try my best and that is all that matters. I understand that everyone is having hard times and it really sucks, well in this I start overanalyzing my life. If you know me personally I will dissect everything, every word, every syllable, and I am sure it drives people crazy.  Actually, I know it does.   I try not to compare myself and my life to other people, but at the same time it is like human nature.  We all want to belong, we all want to fit in and ultimately be loved.

I have noticed that I am not sure I have ever really belonged. In school I was friends with whoever and I didn’t have a set group that I belonged to. I guess that is a good thing because I can’t stand being in a clique.  I was in a “group” a couple years ago and I was kicked out of it.  I will give you the short version because it’s not really worth an entire blog post, because I had to be the martyr in the situation. Maybe not martyr maybe more like the sacrifice, and just between us, it still kind of hurts a little.  I reconnected with a guy I knew from school he was in like a bunch of my classes. We weren’t friends in school per say more like just talked before class and at lunch.  I remember he asked me out when we were sophomores and I was in to my bad boy phase and ”madly in love” with this junior who was also in our biology class.
Well I found him on Myspace and sent him a message, we started talking and we hung out one night, this also led to being reacquainted with this other guy who I knew from school who I thought was the sweetest, shyest dork ever.  I was ecstatic when I knew they were still friends. Well, we all became really good friends and hung out a lot and had a lot of fun. We definitely had some random issues, but nothing friends couldn’t get through or so I thought.  Well, in the process of the friendship two brothers started hanging out with us and then like a whirlwind I was kicked out of the group. I am not sure if it was because I was female, I was always really nice and polite, it really hurt though because I was like best friends with one of the guys. We hung out almost every day I did things like go to a stupid car auction because his dad was in Amish Country and he didn’t want to go alone. Of course, I had no interest what so ever in going it was hot and a waste of time to just look at cars. I went with a smile. I did find a really cool toy truck like my grandpa had worked on and had the same toy truck, so I guess that was worth almost getting heat stroke over. I went to flea markets with him, did so many things where I would have rather been doing anything than that. 

After months and months of hanging out daily and all the things we did together, you know what happened. He had one of the brothers send me a nasty message on Myspace, saying I don’t want you in the group anymore. He still to this day has given me no explanation, not even a peep from him. I think I would at least deserve to know what I did wrong, why our friendship was thrown away over something that I have no clue. I am still dumfounded about this.  I still remember the last time I saw him, it was the day after Christmas, he was bringing me home, we said our normal text you tomorrow have a good night thing we did a million times before and then nothing.  Nothing ever again, he didn’t even have the nerve to tell me himself.  I try not to be bitter so when some things happened to him I truly and seriously felt horrible for him. I am one of those that once I care, I care always, no matter what happens between me and someone.  

On a good note, now I have a group of the most amazing friends. I am not sure why I settled for what I did in the past. I love you guys. You mean so much to me, thanks for your unconditional friendship. 

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