Monday, May 17, 2010

I formula fed MY child, that doesn't make me a monster

First and foremost, I want to say that I have nothing against women who breastfeed their children. That is great if that was the choice you made for your family. The great part of being a mother is making choices for your children. I decided not to breastfeed my son, and that was my personal choice. I know there are a lot of women that feel strongly about breastfeeding and that is fine. What is not fine is how some advocates make women who formula feed out to be bad mothers or monsters.

This is the mentality I have seen over and over again in the blogging world and frankly, I am getting quite sick of it. I keep hearing that formula companies kill babies in foreign countries; babies that co-sleep and tragically pass away are only formula fed babies. Really? Let’s just not sit there and be like oh and by the way if you would have fed your child the “right” way you wouldn’t have had this tragedy happen. That is just heartless and cruel. I personally think co-sleeping is not for my family, I personally think that co-sleeping is dangerous no matter what your child drinks. I am not saying that people who chose to co-sleep are bad parents or monsters; it is just not for my family. How is it that some breastfeeding advocates can sit there and make outrageous claims and make other mothers feel like crap because they don’t share the same opinions as you? Since when did it become YOUR business how I fed MY child?

My son is three and a half and is perfectly healthy and he has only been sick a couple times since birth. He is smart and very talkative. Guess what he guzzled down his formula. I decided I didn’t want to breastfeed him which was my choice. Thankfully, I didn’t feel any pressure from the hospital I gave birth in to breastfeed. I had already been there for two weeks, they knew I would bite back. I had to wait a while before I got to hold Noah too because they took forever with my recovery and to bathe him. Oh, I had a C-Section, which means I had drugs. I didn’t have a choice with the way I gave birth, so he would have had to wait to be fed.

You are not a better mother than I am, because you breastfed. You don’t have the right to make me feel like I am a monster or I don’t care as much about my child. You chose your breast, I chose a bottle. I think what we should do is embrace each other as fellow mothers and not let it come between us. No one is right or wrong. The judgments need to stop. We are just doing what is best for our own families and children and that is all we can do.


  1. I to have seen a lot of this in the blogging world lately. I know for myself, choosing to breastfeed was the right thing...but I struggled with it, because my son didn't have good latch, and in the end, he ended up having formula. And a few family members made me feel like crap for it. I would make the same decision again for my next one too. BUT, I would NEVER bash anyone or try to make them feel like a horrible mom or monster for automatically choosing to formula feed their baby. It is a personal choice, and you need to do what is right for you and your family. Please do not feel bad for choosing formula over breast. I know that I don't, because it helped my son...who is perfectly fine at the age of 3...almost 3 anyway!

  2. I hear you.

    All of my 4 children were ultimately formula fed, all for different reasons. Number 3 was not even able to breastfeed due to a medical condition. I praise God that formula another era he may not have survived. He's a strapping, healthy 4-year-old now.

    All of them very healthy, very intelligent, even advanced in some areas. Oh, and they are not at all overweight. In fact the two oldest (10 and 6) are tall string beans. They also aren't allergy sufferers. They don't have eczema. They aren't emotional basket-cases. Let's see, what did I leave out?

    But the pain, emotional suffering, and incredible guilt I faced for not breastfeeding my children...!

    I think, that when comes to children, people think they have a moral imperative to interfere if they think what you are doing is wrong or somehow harmful. And they think this is wrong, just as you think co-sleeping is wrong---don't put that off on different choices for different people, you did say you think it is dangerous. You've made a judgment. I won't fault you for that. Human beings tend to do that. It's what separates us from animals.

  3. I didn't make a judgment. I stated MY OPINION. I said I think it is dangerous. I am allowed to make my opinion heard on MY blog. It would of been a judgment if I would of said those who co-sleep are horrible people. I didn't say that though. If there was something wrong with formula feeding then formula wouldn't be sold or whatever.

  4. i totally agree with you! I had a c-section as well and did breastfeed my daughter BUT I also supplemented with formula from day 1. I wanted her used to a bottle and some other person feeding her than me. I knew I had to go to work when she was 10 weeks old. she had breastmilk and formula every day until she was about 6 months old and then just formula. the breastfeeding mob was out to get me - let me tell you! i never felt guilty though, i did what was right for me and my 2 year old is healthy, happy and sure she's been sick a few times, but aren't all kids? thanks for speaking out.

  5. I personally breast fed all three of my children. My first born rejected breastfeeding or weaned herself off the breast at age 9 months, and I remember being so sad that she was 'growing up' and my ex (her dad) actually made me feel like a failure because I didn't nurse her the whole 12 months as planned. I was a single mom, and had to go back to work so pumping and freezing and getting breastmilk in a bottle eventually just made her want the bottle so "Mama ran out" LOL

    Next born, after 8 wks of him eating so much and needing to nurse constantly I quit and said here you go, have some formula. He would eat 16 ounces JUST before bedtime, nevermind how much he ate all day, can you imagine nursing a baby that eats THAT much! HE was a big boy and now is a tall big boy! Losing his weight but gaining height ... in the 100th percentile of both height and weight, but is proportionate and healthy & happy. Hardly ever gets sick, funny how the first born who nursed for 9 mos is more sick than the middle child.

    Last born, breastfed him 11 months, he was my last baby so it was my way of I guess being closer to him. It was ok, but he got teeth and I had to say "no more" lol

    We all do make decisions based on what is best for us and what we feel is best for our children. U know I co-slept with my last born and not sure if u knew but I co-slept with my 1st born for nearly 3 yrs. BUT not once have you made me feel like a piece of crap for being someone who co-sleeps. Soooo I totally understand what you are saying with all topics!

    Don't let others make you feel like a monster .. it's all about allowing yourself to feel like you totally rock, because allowing someone else to "make you feel" anything gives them power over you and no one should have power over you!


  6. I have two children, ages 15 months and 29 months. My 29 month old was born naturally to me, my 15 month old is adopted. I tried to breastfeed my son, but knew going in that it might not work since my sweat glands are affected by a rare skin disorder (fyi, mammary glands are modified sweat glands). Anyway, for two weeks I struggled with trying to feed him, pumping, etc, etc. By day 2, I had to start supplementing because I wasn't producing and his bili counts were getting too high. By day 14, I was only producing 2 ounces a day when I pumped. A DAY! When I took him in for his 2 week checkup, the pediatrician asked me to please bottle feed my son and chalk up the breastfeeding as no-go. I felt like a failure at first. But then I realized that if I had given up on the breast feeding sooner, I could have used all that pumping time as bonding time. I first held my daughter when she was only 8 hours old, and I happily stuck a bottle nipple in her mouth. Each woman has to decide what is best for her and her child. And bloggers and mothers should either support each other in those decisions or have silent fingers and lips! Thanks for posting on a sensitive topic.

  7. Amen to that. We do whatever the baby or child needs and nobody should judge other Moms for that. I am following you now. Please come visit me at